The final verdict

After a second consecutive night of seeking anti pirates in local bars with Geoffrey (I was wearing a serong, which was a grave mistake), it was time for me to depart. I managed to get into the back corner of the bus, which was bigger this time, and stored my huge bag behind me. All was perfect, I was well settled in and would avoid the usual chaos. What a great trip this was going to be. Predictably, I was completely and utterly wrong. The cramps kicked in after about an hour and I really could not move my legs, creating an agonising situation for 2 hours. The bus driver was wasting no time and was overtaking other trucks and buses on a road that only had one lane on each side. This made it a rather stressful experience as we could have rammed into an oncoming vehicle at any moment. The reason for this insane driving is that the buses are privately owned, so are rushing to get to the next stop first and take as many people as possible.
The transition seemed amazingly fast, and I managed to find a spacious bus to the airport that was leaving in 5 minutes. But it wasn't actually leaving in 5 minutes. For the next 45 minutes, the bus wandered around town trying to find more passengers. There was some odd noise that made this pick-up period particularly unbearable. It sounded like a recording on a phone of someone saying "Aleapreapreapreapo" in an extremely irritating voice. After 15 minutes of this, I couldn't understand why whoever's recording it was found it that funny that they had to play it so much. Then it started mixing up as if a DJ was controlling it: "aleaprea a leaprepreaprea aleapreapo" amd so on with many variations. I therefore assumed it was a broken record player because it was in the exact same voice every time. At last I realised it was the conductor, trying to entice people onto the bus. This malicious reprobate continued to do so all the way until the airport, occasionally stopping by the side of the road again to practice his DJ announcement skills.
I arrived at the airport at 9:00 for a 2:10 flight, so as anyone would do in this situation I decided to eat alarmingly bad airport food and play a basketball game on my computer (Because I'm that cool). I boarded the plane with the intention of sleeping as I had transfers in Bangkok and Hong Kong, yet failed to do so because I deemed it more important to watch a cartoon parody of Star Wars on the TV.
All in all, I had a wonderful time in Sri Lanka. I met some fantastic people and had some fairly unique experiences, all whilst eating irresponsible portions of fairly dodgy (yet delicious) food from the local shops. The people at the hotel were exceptionally nice, notably Henri, Roshan and Nishanta, and the country itself (or at least what I saw of it) was beautiful. I have never seen such an incredible-looking ocean. Big thank you to Geoffrey for making it possible.